it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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