I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
