Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
