My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
