I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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