we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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