why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
