how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
