Just took my morning after pill in the library
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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