Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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