Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
