I wish I could punch you in the face.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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