For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
