11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
