Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize