you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize