dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
