I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize