u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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