he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
