i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize