my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
