I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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