Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize