I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
