I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
