i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
