Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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