I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
