I am in a vortex of obligation.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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