Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
my poor anus
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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