Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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