i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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