I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
