Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize