i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
