I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
