Got a toothbrush?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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