I hate your face
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
