I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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