I wannas sexs uuuuu
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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