So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
