i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize