I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
