Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
