When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
