I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
