I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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