I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
