You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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