I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
sex in a hospital.. check
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize