ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
