Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
