Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
