you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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