he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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