Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize