I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
