I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
