I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize