the new term for farting is butt boxing.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Alive.
So much puke
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
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