true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
