It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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