i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
