Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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