Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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