What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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