real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
