she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
