hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
