Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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