her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
