I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
