I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
