i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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