bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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