the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
